The Onion News Network: Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
THIS IS AWESOME
1 week ago
Kansas City Fails To Pick Up Option On Royals | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source KANSAS CITY, MO—In an expected move Wednesday, the City of Kansas City declined to pick up their 2010 option on the Royals baseball club, ending the team’s 41-year tenure with the Missouri municipality. “It was time to move in another direction,” Kansas City mayor Mark Funkhouser said at a press conference. “There were some vested incentives that would have automatically kicked in if the Royals had finished higher than last place, or won more than one championship in their existence. But we just couldn’t afford to make another mistake like that 18-year extension back in 1991.” The Royals have generated some mild interest from other cities, including Portland, OR and Copenhagen, though the Danish capital is said to be leaning heavily toward acquiring a public pool or parking lot.
1 week agoWeezer, Live in Chicago December 1st. Be there or kindly be square.
1 month agoThe body of Mostafa Mahmoud Zayed, 75, an apparent suicide, sat decomposing on his Marina del Rey balcony for days because neighbors thought the lifeless figure was a dummy and didn’t call police.
1 month agoWow, this is definately worth checking out.
1 month agoOne time this guy handed me a picture and said, “here is a picture of me when I was younger.”
Every picture of you is a picture of you when you were younger.
-Mitch Hedberg.
2 months ago
“WASHINGTON — People without health insurance are 40 percent more likely to die than those with private insurance, according to a new study whose authors say the finding underscores the need to expand coverage to the 46 million who lack it.”
What they left out was that 100% of people WITH private insurance eventually die as well. It’s statistics like this that make me love the 24-hour news cycle.
2 months agoDave: Tell me about the origin of your name.
Jay-Z: Well my mother named me Shawn, because when I was born it was her right.
Dave: That’s a nice name.
Jay-Z: Yeah.
Dave: Then what happened?
Jay-Z: People started calling me it.
(via megmess)
